someone owes me an orgasm
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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