i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
