Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I did not marry a roomba.
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