I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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