THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
