She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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