Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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