Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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