and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
