Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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