I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
