I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
