Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
