I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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