youre lurking in front of me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
