Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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