Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
