Can i not drive my cunt home
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
