You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
