I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
