i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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