If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
