I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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