He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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