Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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