Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
