True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
