You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
