onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
