And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
