I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
