His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
