Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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