I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
