I'm so fucking centered right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
