We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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