suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
