she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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