Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Randomize
