Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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