I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
