Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
