Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
