there's paper in my vomit.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
