Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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