Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
