i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
