I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
