Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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