I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
