I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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