Tell her she can't have a vagina
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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