So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
