you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
