sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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