Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
