Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
either way he was missing a nipple.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
