I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
