Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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