i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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