STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
