I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
