After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize