Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
