i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize