I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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