i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
