Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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