based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
