Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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