remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
