do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
