yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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