I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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