I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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