oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize