so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
