We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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