I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We are all done wearing pants today
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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