I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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