i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
