They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
