we have officially lost it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
