My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
