Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
