The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
